16 year old girl, just trying to live my life to the full.
SOCIALLY AWKWARD IS NOT TRIPPING OVER YOUR OWN FEET AND THEN GIGGLING AND SAYING “OH I’M SO AWKWARD.” SOCIALLY AWKWARD IS NOT BEING CAPABLE OF SPEAKING TO OTHERS, BECAUSE YOU ARE OVERWHELMED BY THE FEAR OF BEING JUDGED FOR EVERYTHING THAT YOU DO. EDUCATE YOURSELVES.
I love how Tumblr teaches us how to be perfect criminals.
Also, if you’re burying a full body, make sure you bury them vertically. Satellites orbiting earth look for holes that are approx. 6ft long because that’s suspicious. Ideally though, drain your body of fluids in a tub ((mix fluids with bleach and let them soak before draining and take precautions to keep your house from smelling like death from your sink and whatnot. Draining the body also keeps decomp at bay a bit and makes it easier to portion)) and cut it to bits. It’s easier to bury a head than a whole body, and takes less time so you don’t have to tell your neighbors, “Oh, I’m night gardening!”
Also, if a dog happens across it, it’s more likely it will devour a single body part than all of your ex-husband.
Another method is to put it into a septic tank. They’re a plethora of bacteria, and the smell of waste covers the smell of decomposition very well.
You should also destroy all teeth, massacre the face and burn fingerprints/remove finger tips to keep from identifying by anything other than DNA.
…I didn’t come up with these ideas, just what I’ve gleaned from reading on the internet.
i used to joke about Tumblr teaching us how to get away with murder, but fuck, man
the thing is when i see this i want to go kill a man just because i have the knowledge
Remember when you’re at the crime scene to wipe down all surfaces and then take the victims hands and touch things with them. Pick up cups and run the hands along table tops. A room with zero fingerprints is very suspicious.
If you live near the ocean you can drain the body and cut up the cadaver into small pieces then mix it all together with fish parts and dispose of it easily by pretending to chum the water for fish and sharks. Actually do chum the water a bit before dumping in your victim to be sure there are plenty of hungry fish around. Stick around and fish for a while so anyone who happens to see you won’t get suspicious. This way you don’t have any body parts lying around waiting to be dug up and identified. Plus you might catch a marlin or something.
PLUS YOU MIGHT CATCH A MARLIN
I AFDGFHGKJHKHGFDSF I AM DONE
Don’t stop chasing.
I think that one of the biggest reason why relationships do not work out in the long run is because at one point, one side (or both) stops trying. Before one claims another person as their significant other, they would do anything to make that person happy. They would chase, they would flirt, they would be charming. They would send daily morning and goodnight texts every time you wake up or go to sleep. They would write corny messages and pick up lines just to make sure that there is a smile upon your face. But once they claim you as theirs, all of those things eventually stop. The 5 page texts slowly turn into 1. The constant calls turn into not calling at all. And the lovely endearments turn into daily arguments. In order for a relationship to work, don’t ever stop chasing. Just because the person you want is now consider “yours”, it does not mean they deserve anything less than the time when you’re trying to win them over.
I ACTUALLY CANT BREATHE
I LITERALLY JUST HIT REBLOG AND LAUGHED AT MY PHONE FOR A MINUTE OR TWO TRYING YO COMPOSE MYSELF ENOUGH TO TYPE THIS MESSAGE.
DEAD, FUCKING DEAD.
OH MY GOD
this is music
this is actually my favourite audio post on tumblr and i’m going to reblog this for the 3rd time
WHATS THE BACKGROUND MUSIC CALLED OMFG CRYING
WHAT EVEN IS THIS
Thomas the Tank Engine + 50 cent. Always reblog.
This is my favorite thing holyshit
the eminem one is well better. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FDkZtEzmwo
in the 1940s the word “boner” used to mean “huge mistake” and it still pretty much means that
how the fuck would you know that
because i know things
i read these to my dad and he literally fell off his chair laughing and is now purple in the face